Perhaps its because I focus so much of my year around football season, but this time of year always puts me in a strange place. Every September, I find myself looking back at the past few years and everything that I’ve done. This year isn’t much different, except for the fact that I’m looking back without really knowing what is ahead.
Last year I looked back on my last year of college and looked forward to my first year in the “real world”. The year before that I looked back on my entire college career and looked forward to finishing it up. This year though, I’m reflecting on the past and genuinely questioning what the future will be.
Now when I say I’m reflecting, I don’t mean I’m longing for what once was, or regretting things I did/didn’t do. I’m just taking stock of what my life has been, what it is, and what it will be.
I find it interesting that I always end up in this place, because I really don’t have any regrets. Maybe one or two, but those regrets are part of who I am now. When I look back on the last 5 or so years, I can’t think of anything that I’d really do differently. I’m happy with who and where I am. I’d maybe change some minor things, do more, maybe take a few more risks, but I wouldn’t want to change my life as it is now. But where do I want my life to go from here?
I struggle with that question a lot, because I genuinely don’t know. One of the few things that I’m sure of is that I don’t want to leave Austin. I love this city, despite all its flaws, and I want to stay here as long as possible. Besides that though, I don’t know.
Do I want a new job? Maybe. I like my current job, but I certainly don’t LOVE it. Do I want to go back to school? Probably not. I’ve given it thought, but I don’t see it as being useful to me. I just want to DO something. I feel like I’m just stuck spinning my wheels. I don’t have a destination.
I’ve been struggling to find motivation to move forward lately, but I think I finally found what will drive me to be productive. Ironically, its nothing new. Its the same as it ever was.
Just like every team that takes the field this season, I have to be the best. I have to win.
And rest assured, I will.